my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize