Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
