I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
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