so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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