I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
His nipple licking is glorious
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