Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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