Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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