I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
