the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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