i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
