you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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