I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
