i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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