The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
