This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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