I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
