i jhust puked up my retainher.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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