Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
