Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
