are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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