Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
