I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
