Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
