He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
