Quick, to the slutcave!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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