he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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