She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
