Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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