I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
