it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
