People in love make me want to vomit
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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