You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my being single is dangerous.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
