When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
