why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
