My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
