Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
