This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
