Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize