tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
