My dream of liquor pitchers came true
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
