i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
