My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
