My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
