from now on my penis is your penis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
