WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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