im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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