oh god the rape fog is back!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize