I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
