In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
