You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
