Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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