So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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