but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
