we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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