threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
