he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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