You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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