I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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