how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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