3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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