She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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