pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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