that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
