Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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