Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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