ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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