I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
