i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
