It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
